That's Some Fuckery

It’s strange to think this blog hasn’t had much of Megan Fox in it. She’s fuckery, everything she says is fuckery, her thumbs are fuckery, and Mickey Rooney calls her “the best young actress [he's] ever worked with.” So if she’s going to be anywhere, it’s here.

That being said, I found her interview with “W,” and simply couldn’t resist highlighting a few snippets. What else am I going to do? Let you read it yourself? It’s quite long, and “W’s” measurements are too large for you to read on the subway. You especially won’t read it if you eat your breakfast on the subway (which you shouldn’t, but whatever).

Sarah Haight (the author) thinks Megan Fox looks like a college student, and would fit right in, because she shows up wearing “sweats, hiking boots and a puffy jacket, its fur-rimmed hood pulled tight over her head.” Fine. But this is in Santa Fe. So maybe Megan Fox has the circulation of a turtle? This is not a good way to start an article because I don’t respect people who dress warmly in warm weather. I also don’t like it when writers try and increase readership by writing how insanely body-guarded people would survive quite well in the less-glamorized world of regular people.

Fox did some work on a sitcom called “Hope & Faith,” that I did not watch because it starred Kelly Ripa. But I’m sad to hear I missed out on early Megan Fox because I probably could have gotten a lot more writing done.

“In person she is diminutive, nearly tomboyish with long, thin limbs, and a small face, yet on the monitors, her delicate features pop as full and exotic. The camera’s affection for her makes things easy: With plenty of images to choose from, the shoot wraps two hours early, and Fox strides back to her dressing room, head down, entirely disinterested in the thousands of dollars’ worth of chiffon and leather and bedazzled duds in her path.” The author wastes no time in describing Fox’s looks. But this is rather tame. Maybe it was written with the idea that everyone already knows Fox is hot? If this is the case, then Sarah deserves some credit for not stating the obvious…so obviously. But then, wait. Megan Fox does that, so maybe Sarah had to ratchet back her shit to make this thing readable at all.

Fox: “I feel intimidated by fashion. I hate doing photo shoots.” Now we’re getting to it. Fox is doing this interview with the specific purpose to talk about fashion. Fox must have forgotten “W” is a fashion magazine, but she probably doesn’t read much so maybe this isn’t anything new. But poor Sarah’s editor probably pushed her to get the deets on Megan’s seven figure deal as Armani’s new spokeswoman/face, not realizing that Megan actually hates fashion and hates even more to talk about it. This puts Sarah in a pickle. Let’s see what happens.

“There are some women you could put in underwear and photograph them, and it looks really classy and it doesn’t necessarily provoke a pinup image. But with me it does, immediately, as soon as I’m in underwear. I’m a Vargas girl. So they were really conscious of that on set, trying to make sure that it didn’t look like we were doing a Victoria’s Secret campaign or a men’s magazine. They wanted it to look like fashion. Which is hard to do with me.” Is she complaining? I can’t tell. I think she’s complaining about being so good-looking. I think. But why? To me, pinups are more virginal and reserved, and therefore are “classier” than lingerie models…oh, I think I see what’s happening here. They had to try really hard and make her look classy. Got it. Tricky, tricky Megan. You are sphinx of wordery from which I hope to learn.

“Throughout our conversation Fox is talkative, but she has trouble looking me in the eye. She looks down; she stares at the table; she glances past my shoulder, toward a table piled with jewelry. She wraps a piece of her long dark hair around a finger. There’s nothing spacey about Fox, but the steely, blue-eyed gaze of a woman armed with a thousand sound bites is nowhere to be found.” Don’t take it personal, Sarah. She doesn’t really “look” at anyone. She’s nervous you’re going to quote her saying something like “i’ve always thought of blue as really more of a red,” which either your editor cut out of this article or you were bribed. I hope you were bribed, and I hope it was a hefty incentive because that sentence would have been the best one you’d ever write.

“It’s an immense amount of pressure, celebrity itself. I didn’t create that. I didn’t sign up for that; I didn’t know that was going to happen. It created itself.” Time’s up. This pisses me off. Celebrities DO sign up for fame…otherwise they’d just be fucking gorgeous accountants. But they go ahead and hire agents, managers, wardrobe stylists, and talent coordinators all so they can break into the industry and get stars of their hand prints. They try very hard to break into that world of “yes, I’m ____,” and it’s shit when they say their stardom has spiraled out of control and act like they had nothing to do with it. I’d much rather she say it’s tiresome than hear her say she didn’t sign up for it, because then at least it would mean she recognizes she’s lucky.

“When you first get [to santa fe], you’re like, Holy f—ing s—, there’s nothing! “I like it here,” she finishes. “I don’t know if I could live here, but I do like it here.” Good save. PR people are probably treating themselves to some chianti right now.

“No one believes me when I talk about this, but I’m really, really maternal. I worry that because I’ve always wanted [kids] so much, as the world goes sometimes, I won’t be able to have them, even though I would be able to provide them with such an amazing environment. And you know, the people who hate kids and don’t want kids always end up having 50 of them.” FUCK ME SIDEWAYS. I’m headed for serious trouble if the world rotates according to Megan Fox.